Hallucinations

Oh, My, Gawd.

I found 1(!) comment in 1(!) of my posts! I FEEL SO APPRECIATED~! XD

So, I'm going to give you (The one that posted a comment.) a grand cookie. *Hands Jon a cookie with chips lined up to form the word "grand"*

Anyways, thank you! I shall now continue with my post.

What is a disaster? A disaster is when you can't find the bread to go with your jam, when you can't find the laces to your shoes or when you can't find the most basic and essential necessities of life to go with your overly complex ways of thought. Why such a definition? It is not an official source, it is not even a generally accepted philosophy, yet I am saying such, why?

Because, a disaster is not the instance where the world is going to end, a disaster is when one loses (Metaphorically) it's most basic structure, it's role, it's actions, it's speech and most of all, it's mind. Disaster is not when the war in Lebanon killed thousands, disaster is not another crappy "Anti-terrorist" policy pushed by the American President, disaster is not the red indices you see on your Bank Account Statements.

Disaster is what is happening in the minds of people. Disaster is when people lose themselves to the general peers, disaster is when each person loses himself in order to fit in, disaster is when a whole goverment has to change policies to "safeguard homeland security". Why are those disasters? Because disasters, crises and catastrophes are man made, there's a reason why the many furies of mother nature are called "Natural Disasters" you know. ;P

Disaster is what you make out of it. The instant you lose yourself to an unfortunate circumstance, it's a disaster, no matter the scale of the event. The moment you pass a bill on initiating a war to respond to a Terrorist act, it's a disaster (Although the scale is much different.)

BUT! I'm not saying that we can avoid disasters... We can't. That's the ironic truth, disasters are completely man-made, yet we couldn't stop making them, simply because... We need them. Disaster is when a basic necessity is lacking, yet disasters itself are necessities. They help the growth of a human's intellectual bank, they cultivate the brightness of that puny little candle we call hope. Where there is darkness there is also light, we must have darkness in order to see light. This is a concept I hold strongly onto, the Yin-Yang theories, the opposites cannot exist without each other.


Now here's a post without any point at all, just because I felt like it, I wrote such an article without thinking much of it's grammar, it's articulation nor it's general aesthetics of pretty words. I guess I did alright, I'll give it 5/10. 'Cause even I myself didn't see much of a point in posting this. XD

Post took: 23 minutes.

Thank you for your time.

Yuki, grey from being trodden on and mixed with grit and mud, has melted, it prays for the day of salvation when the sun is strong enough to shine on it, to embrace Yuki with it's radiant golden rays. To free Yuki's bond from the grit and mud, to let it flow as a freer form, as water, to somewhere better, to somewhere nice, until once again, mother beckons for it to rise in the air and look again, at the lives and lights of the world on a higher perspective. Till then, Yuki will just have to stay on the ground, looking up, eternally contemplating on how it feels like to be so high up, only to do the opposite when it is in the sky.

Gawdamn

Not that I have any gripes about anything bad enough to warrant an eternal damnation in the flaming depths of hell. I just felt like it.

Back to our post... Oh yes, I'm updating! A week too late, but it's an update anyways. I just thought that there wouldn't be anyone here to care. Well, my thoughts were right. There's no one here.

School has been exceptionally normal as of the last two weeks. No teacher scolded me, none of the activities has backfired and I'm still alive. Thank god. However, I've been thinking alot about the past lately. Something a very nice frenger told me, "I think too fast and store too little." I'm currently learning to store my thoughts on paper now to create a huge backlog for this little space. Soon, I'll tell you my thoughts on Time, Human and Good. :P

Do not be keep silent if you are offenced by the next update. Comparing such magnificent items such as Time, People and Good to disgusting items is just what happened to occur in my mind at that moment of time, I do not feel that the negative view I present in my next update is or by any chance close to what really is true, but it is a alternate view nonetheless. If it offends you, pray tell why and what should I do about it, without your input, I will not be able to know what exactly do other people think about it, therefore I would not be able to admit, change and never repeat my mistake.

Well, after a few months of inactivity, I suddenly felt the urge to write something, from DotA Fanfics to my own (Fanfic) and this blog. Mostly due to my ignorance on the amount I'm actually writing both on paper and electronically. Therefore I'm going to make up for my lack of updates on this blog, at least for a month... I assume that by forcing myself to update this place every few days, I might eventually gain the habit of posting regularly (Hopefully). I might even get some people in here (Unlikely). Although, sadly, this place is devoid of people, it is still the space of which the tranquilities* of my life are written, only through literature (AHEM~!) I can immortalize my thoughts, even though I might soon forget what I thought so many years ago or blogging may go out of trend, my little corner of this 8932786453 sided polygon called internet might still be here (Baseless assumption.).

*: A footnote in a blog? That's really weird. I justify the word "tranquility" (Maybe "happy" might be more apt) by not making posts which record my dismay and/or disagreement on the fairness of life. Who ever claimed life was fair anyways.However tranquil and clear my thoughts are. However smart or however high is my Emotional Quotient, I heavily doubt that I can completely ignore the lopsided fairness of life, I can, however, live with it (Once again, hopefully.).

BMTribute has failed, I've decided to ditch the project as people nowadays are very much more resourceful than I have thought. The BMSes that I release are mostly already quite old and dispersed through the net via more accesible means than a solo user and a crappy file hosting service (A rant, Yousendit sucks.). So instead of posting in BMT, I've decided to post here instead, featuring not much of constructive intellectual property other than yours truly. I have also decided, in a flurry of thoughts when I was sitting there so amazingly quiet on my bed thinking about the temperature, that I should change the direction I'm trying to take in this blog, I've always wanted to document my short periods of ego enchancing (or the opposite) moments in my life. Perhaps not the best way to attract readers, but with this cutesy space so devoid of visitors, I doubt it can get any worse (They can't possibly give me negative visitor counts, can they?). Why bother myself with the concept "The more the merrier"?

In the last few weeks I did not play any online games, not O2, not RO, not any other combinations of capital alphanumeric letters. What I did play was Defence of the Ancients with my (Really noobish) Classmates, I owned them, for a few matches, before they gained the newfound knowledge that power is in numbers. I got owned backwards till my pelvis ached from the constant falls off my chair on the floor due to the fact that I'm actually being owned till the point of scariness (Did I suck or did they rock?). Now I'm planning my revenge, I shall improve my communication skills to achieve a higher level of teamwork to conquer their equivalent. I don't think it's actually possible though, I really suck at this particular aspect of team oriented games. Nonetheless, I hope Dota might actually improve my mentality as a player and a gamer, multiplayer games highly depend on teamwork, which is exactly what I lack.

Last week, on Saturday (Friday in the states), I returned to my dearest arcade and the one cabinet I started visiting arcades for: EZ2DJ. It is still the best beatgame I've played so far and it still has the highest integrity of the Holy Trinity principle* of beatgames (Visuals, Music and Artistic Values). To my dismay my skills did not improve. As my skills in O2 has reached it's plateau, so is the fate of my Ez2dj skills (I feared as much). I did not feel sad, nor did I feel disappointed, for it is just a game that I enjoy, not by conquering it, but because of the sheer joy of being able to listen to some quality music (I cannot resist the urge to move my body to the music though) and being able to appreciate the existence of this particular machine, to have contributed much to my memories and experience (In life), this machine had given me some dear friends (A and B are my dearest friends, you know who you are), a few onlookers (N, H, R, Y, just to name a few), a few ememies (I wish not to name any), and most important of all, it gave me a reason to dance when no one's looking, the appreciation of music I savour now, the attention to detail when I face a crisis. It's quite amazing what an arcade machine can bring to you. I thank music, all music, to have brought me up a perfectly fine young gentleman. I also truly and sincerely thank A for providing me with such music, and B for providing an alternative insight into my own life. I hope both of you receives my silent wishes of your wellbeing.

*:The Trinity is a pseudo-theory of mine, not proven and not universally true, but I hold on to my beliefs that The Trinity is what makes a beatgame playable and enjoyable.

Roadworks. This Monday, work was carried out by the DBKL (Something like a town municipal, I think) to put trees down on the road towards the main street at my place, mainly due to the tree's tendency to bend over and hump the ground on a weekly basis (When there's rain and winds, obviously). I've always appreciated the clean and fresh air that I breathe in and exhale every morning when I head to school, I've always taken it for granted, what I smell now is the smell of rotting green. (As the people that cut down the trees are imprudent enough to leave the foilage there till this point of time.) I do not understand the sadness I feel when I see the bare trunks of these trees, nor do I understand the fact that I feel compassion for trees. I've always thought that trees were a blessing, shielding me from the harsh sun above the equator, giving out oxygen. I never appreciated them. I never thanked them, nor did I ever touched any one of them. I did it once this morning in the deafening silence of darkness (6.30 AM, The sun does not rise early in Malaysia.) and I felt... There were no tingly sensations, no fresh air, no gentle coolness. Nothing that I felt just in the presence of a tree before was present. I do not know what should I feel from this, but I felt a sadness tugging at my thoughts to return to the trees. I did not stay for long in the presence of these deformed trunks. I went to school.

That is where I'm going to end today's update, the sudden change in emotion for this article was because of the lengthened time I spent on this particular post. I cannot bring myself to ignore these feelings of sadness that get sparked at the littlest of problems, but I can accept these emotions as proof that I am only human, the thought bring some peace and tranquility to my mind.

As I have mentioned earlier, I will continue to update this place, if I don't, feel free to bombard me with nudges on MSN or crazy spams in my e-mail inbox. :P

If anyone's actually reading, you've noticed there's no experimental fight Pt.II, because I've decided to ditch the scene after noticing that my vocabulary's strength is ridiculous and childlike, most of the time I'm struggling for adjectives, if they are used at all, thus, I will continue to read, in hopes that in some way it will reinforce my my weak wall of words so that it will not crumble under the pressure of an experienced reader. Hopefully, I will be able to come up with a decent piece of fiction soon to see whether my writings have improved. Growth in my english department has really been slow, I can only wish that my puny brain is able to further my grasp on the english language.

Sad for being there, sad for not being there. I feel sad because here I am, posting once again because of boredom, because I'm pissed, because I'm high. I'm sad because I haven't visited this place for close to half a year. I wish I could dedicate myself to this blog soon, and I wish people to be dedicated to my blog too, but until now, the hits been from no one but myself. Sad.

In another part of town. I'm currently entering a new low in destroying my intelligence, I'm rarely visiting school, I go truant. I'm fucking myself up pretty badly lately, I just hope that I don't live the rest of my life this way, or I'll end my own pitiful life before the instinct to live takes over.

Message: I just did this to see if I could write fight scenes, it's a little short, but I really don't know how I could coordinate a fight scene any longer. It's set in after some events in a... Fanfiction? I wrote, which coincidentally had this white haired guy in it. But other than that, it's my own creation, the fanfic, I mean. So is it a fiction? or a fanfic?

Part 2 will be in a library. Stay tuned.

~Experimental~ Fight Scene. Part . I

"I have the psychological advantage over this brat. His reluctance to train had already weakened himself to a certain extent. If his temper is ignited, it would aid in battle. Demon child or not, he is in no position to defeat me, now or ever." I kept to myself.

Here we stand, in the arena where he and his brother once stood and battled. "I'd have to say I'm impressed with this world we're in." Eight pedestals rose up at different levels from the ground. On them, are the 8 angels of death. They stand around the arena, looking in from the eight directions to the center of the stage with their stony gaze; their frozen posture mocks the futility of human's abilities to make them fall. Black marble lines the floor, their ends are also all living creatures', for unless the creature knew how to fly, they would die a neverending death, falling and falling... The marbles reflect the dying red glow, from the horizon of the sun and the reddening sky with a black tint, as if to swallow up the remnants of light from this dawn.

This arena tells a tale of the growing evil within the world.

"Let's start." I told my opponent. He fashioned a red trenchcoat with black denims; his white hair an amazing contrast to his coat; his muscles bulging, veins pumping in anticipation of the forecoming fight; his sword, however, seems huge even for a man of his frame, but I've seen it in action before, it's deadliness can only be compared to his master's control of the sword. The Demon's Edge.

Suddenly, he dashed towards me, sword first and fully extended, aimed at my body. I was surprised but I did not slow down. I jumped forward, higher and faster with the aid of the wind sprites, I executed a somersault in the air, I would eventually land and face his back. I took my whip of the beltclip it was residing in and set my battle plans into motion. The whip unfurled like a coiled snake and wrapped itself around the Demon's Edge. A pull, and I'm flying towards him. Acting quickly, he turned around, flinging his sword to the back while doing so, accelerating my descent towards himself. My boots are already in contact with his face before his let go of the sword and held his guns out.

Mine was already out. He let off 3 shots of demon energy; I let off 3 of my own equivalent. He backed off; so did I, my whip unwrapped itself from the sword and was once again in my control. I shot another 4 rounds before I could clip back my whip and take out my other gun; He shot 3 rounds while reflecting my shots with his sword, both revolvers in hand, I deflected his shots. We stood even further apart from each other now. He sheathed his sword and took out his other gun. We started exchanging fire, his red demon energy versus my blue spiritual energy. We ran from one end of the arena to the other, finally admitting that we'll not go down from gunfire, we kept our guns and once again went back to melee weapons.

Once again, we exchanged, blows this time. I got in first with my whip's extra range; he deflected the blow without problem. He swung his sword high when in reach; I ducked. After several such episodes, he decided it was time to end the fight and put all his strength for a killing blow. He leveled out his sword and swung. I was indifferent. Acting as well as thinking, I again wrapped my weapon around his, and backflipped out of harm's way. Knowing well he used up most of his strength, I pulled hard, drawing the sword flying out of his hand. The sword flew like an arrow to one of the lower statues, stabbing firmly into its skull. I was pulled along by the sword's momentum, regaining control of my whip way too late -too close- to the statue. I shifted my weight and ran up the body of the figure to reach the sword and got on top of it.
I now stood as close as I ever could to the Demon's Edge, I was standing on it.

"I'm standing on your sword. You want it back?" I asked mockingly. I received no reply; he extended his hands, palms up, towards the direction of the sword and started concentrating. The sword under me started shaking violently; he was using his demonic link with the sword to extract it from the stone. Without hesitation, I jumped. My whip coiled around the neck of the petrified angel and I slid down safely to the ground. Demon's Edge is now extracted, even though its flight path is haphazard, spinning wildly as it goes through the air; I have no doubt in the user's ability to regain control over it, I had to disrupt its path. I drew my gun and shot, 1, 2, 3 shots. The sound of a bullet hitting metal resounded in the air. My luck. The bullet hit the sword just right when it's close enough to its bearer, changing the direction of its spin and leaving a gash in his face. He was fazed but regained his composure immediately. He grabbed his sword and rushed towards me. The dash evolved into a lunge. I merely evaded sideways from such an uncounted attack; he went right through me, stabbing deeply into the stone base of the statue. I was right behind him after his attack. I noticed that he lost his will to fight, he was sword holding on to his sword stuck in the stone but standing upright now. "This is pointless. Come back after you have the heart to." I said with a hint of sympathy. "How could a man with such amazing powers be turned into an untamed cub? He doesn't even have the mind of a lion anymore." I kept such a disappointment to myself. I walked up to his back, laid a hand on it, and hugged him tightly, out of sympathy, maybe. "Don't be a fool, Lady's death wasn't for nothing. We closed the Gates of Hell." That was as much of a reassurance I could give him. I released my grip.

And I walked away. Back into the portal which we came through, to this place which foretells doom; or mayhaps everything was predestined.

My first attempt at trying to one-shot Shadow of The colossus failed. Reason? My PS2 failed to load colossus #12. Result? Pain. Pain shot through my head like a bolt of lightning, the feeling of disbelieve rendered me nearly unconscious. The next thing you know, I was back on my feet and walking among the emerald green ruins as Wander. Slamming down one colossus after another until my brain warned me for meltdown at 12am. In Exactly 1 hour and 48 minutes, I managed to defeat 6 colossi. After which I continued on today and destroyed another 6 in 2 hours. If my approximation is correct. This walk will within this beautiful world will end with another two hours of gameplay. I would then follow up with at least another 20 hours of gameplay to unlock everything in this game. I have not been tempted to do so for many gaming seasons and I'm glad that a game has been able to make me feel so sastified as to finished it again for another 3 times.

Generally I'm just chilling out in my own way. Yuki is melting~

I'm actually playing Maplestory's South East Asia server. This is what I do when I'm not playing Lufia at home. Look for me, a magician with the name YukiIjuin if you're interested in knowing me, I don't know when I'm going to be online, neither do I know when I might not play the game, so don't put your hopes up in trying to get some real time flames ignited with me.

I found out that I have a very short fuse. My Harvest Moon venture lasted around 8 hours of game time, equalling to around 1 and a half year of in-game time. I stopped playing and gave up after a hurricane hit my 45x45 square grass field right before autumn, which means death for most grass and my livestock as well. I got mad, and gave up.

I went to replay Lufia II: Rise of the Sinistrals after giving up on Harvest Moon, and ended up getting hooked to the ancient cave, right now I'm on my 3rd time through the cave and 3 Iris treasure in. I've always wonder why does the Ancient Cave get me hooked, but I could never figure out why. In any case, best course of action for me now would be just destroy the Ancient Cave and be on with my quest to defeat the Sinistrals. I just hope I don't give up because some catastrophe struck.

Cute. I'm replaying Harvest Moon on the SNES, on an emulator of course, and once again found the fun of earning your rewards. Going through the same routine every in-game day and doing the same thing over and over again for 6 hours is tired, but rewarding, because I've gained myself a wife, a horse and a cow. Then again, it isn't real life.

I've thought about what I've said earlier regarding blogging as a fad for awhile now, and it's still true. Blogging, is a fad(That brings no harm.), and I'm following it for reasons of my own.

For one, I have to improve my written english a whole lot, because my written english blows fishes out of water. My english is, in actual fact, better than most of my peers, but it is still not a fraction of what I want to achieve, I am still unable to make compositions which drag people into the story or ponder about the very lives they are living. I have not yet been able to create an article which might serve well to inspire people, for it is my goal to inspire through words and speech, in any language. English being an international language which is understood to a certain extent in all countries, therefore, is a good start for me.

Reason number 2. I very well need a place where everybody can read and criticize my English, and this is where the power of internet comes in, with a blog I am able to publish all my works of fiction and whatnots to all corners of the globes where people can read them and give comments, to which I will appreciate with all my heart, because appreciating comments and accepting criticism is the best way to improve certain aspects that I might have not paid attention to.

Reasons' end. The last and the ending reason of my blog being formed is because of my thoughts, and the need to store them somewhere private yet open to all, obviously not my mind, and so I've chosen a blog as a place to be able to voice out my thoughts. Perhaps I might intrigue people with them (My thoughts.) or maybe make disagreeing people swear in disgust, nonetheless, the internet seems to be an amazing place to put thoughts of one person out there in order to receive many, and I greatly appreciate any thoughts you have upon my thoughts, with a lucky stroke I might be able to increase my amount of perception towards the world.

So I'm officially a blogger now? Or am I just following an irresistible fad?

No matter, now that I have me own blog, I'm going to post several things here, such as: Stories I find interesting; Short/Long fictions that I've been working on; Speeches that I've done and several others. Maybe if I find this space cozy enough I'll post my thoughts about everything here. So, here a new start, maybe a better start.