Hallucinations

Yes, the world we're living in is a lie, a big, fat, obnoxious, darker than obsidian, incredibly essential, white lie. I don't know whether such a sentence with so much contradiction to itself is actually literately possible, but (if I say) I don't care (I'm lying.).

The world is flat, the authorities believed, and they stuck to it. Many scholars, astronomists lived a rejected life because their ideas were shunned aside, even though evidence was present, very much literally in their faces. Finally, when more people gain this alternate vision of a spherical world (Still The Earth.) and more research is done, authorities have to give in to the facts. The world is spherical. The same happened with "What is the world" aka Universe. Earth was not the center of this star system, not everything is revolving around earth. The scriptures said otherwise. Once again, science prevailed, because it is the truth, it is facts.

Religions, scriptures centuries, millenias of age. To me, they are more or less an elaborate lie. It is something for you to believe in, but they are a lie nonetheless. I myself is Christian (This is another chapter of my life. will explain if got time.) Yet I do not believe those miracles performed, those stories, those "Historical" stories. The Bible itself, I believe, have gone through many different stages, from it's purest, untouched form containing pure truths and no lies, to brainwashers to boost confidence and shapes your mindset to believe in "God's Word". Perhaps, they were lies in the first place, scriptures written by humans, no doubt must be in a way affected by the writer's mindset. What makes this even more compelling is the fact that each word in the Bible, was picked carefully and meticulously, to ensure that the religion lives. A religion, polished through hardships, presents a golden trophy for the faith of humanity in god. Yet no one realized that, at the bottom of the trophy, it writes "The most elaborate half-truth ever spun.".

False believes are, Succubi, demons, UFOs, ESP, the Supernatural, Poltergeists, and the like. These are, in truth, false, not because that they are pointless, but because they are impossible to detect, to find out, to proof, to become a fact. They are unproofable, they are "Fool-proof", not as much as the Holy Words, but to an extent where people will hold on to it till they die, and they spread like wildfire to all corners of the globe, without a pattern, with mutations. Like viruses. A neverending stream of perpetual negative energies, always self sufficient.
Pop-rocks killed Mikey. An urban legend, yet no one really understands why this might've have happened, they just believe, without any sliver of proof. Correct, baseless assumptions and ignorance makes fallacies, no intelligence needed. A misunderstanding of cause and result, a misunderstanding that evolved to uncontrollable mass. A wrongful interpretation mixed with personal bias. A true heart that seeked a lie.

Lies are essential in our lives, because without lies we would not be able to have the faith to live on, yet we let lies to lead our heart. Our heart itself lies, contradict and counters itself, but what can we do? Nothing, absulutely naught can be done, that is the fallibility of the human conscious.
This was made in August, but was not posted, because even to me it seemed offensive. Nonetheless, the internet itself is offensive enough. Public won't mind another offensive post when it's not even read. A falling tree in an empty forest makes no sound.

PS: And yes, I lied. This is obviously not a part of my life's "tranquilities". But meh.

Surprise, an update, There's actually much more that I've written than those that are published here, but they were not published for the same reason everytime, that is, I've encountered my pseudo-split personality affliction again, and again, and again. This time however, is different. I'm pseudo-bipolar now. ;P

Not that I'm really afflicted with these kind of psychosis related diseases, it's more likely that my psychokenetic energies (Similar to those encountered in Silent Hill) projected has changed my perception of the world into a composite of the exact opposites from what is real. Perhaps I -am- crazy. I am not under the influence of illusions or hallucinations (As the title of the blog implies) when I type up each of my many/few posts but more likely, when I actually post in my blog, I am actively undergoing a change of perceptions, world-view and subjective values. Causing the uprise of an opinion, -my- opinion. Most of the time my opinions on most things will not differ much from the initial evaluation I gave it. Hence the pseudo-spilt personality disorder, the views will differ, often times vastly, between each manifestation of my weird thought process, but most of the time they are limited to real world constraints.

Recently. I figured that there are no in-betweens between the realm of light and dark. That particular gray area of neither right nor wrong was always a fantasy. This is different from the "Not part of solution = problem" absolute, it's closer to "Subjective-Objective Perspective". Geddit? So, I've learned to watch and comment on things based on this truth, therefore creating the pseudo-bipolar, views that differ from each other so greatly it's considered as the two extremes. I haven't put the pseudo-bipolar perspective into gear yet, only a few matters that have earned this weird treatnent from my crazy mind, but I intend to use it to my advantage ater on in life. I guess.

Meanwhile, au revoir. I intend on telling you more about this new grid system in my brain when I have more time to finish constructing it. Don't take me seriously though, I'm crazy. :P

Oh, My, Gawd.

I found 1(!) comment in 1(!) of my posts! I FEEL SO APPRECIATED~! XD

So, I'm going to give you (The one that posted a comment.) a grand cookie. *Hands Jon a cookie with chips lined up to form the word "grand"*

Anyways, thank you! I shall now continue with my post.

What is a disaster? A disaster is when you can't find the bread to go with your jam, when you can't find the laces to your shoes or when you can't find the most basic and essential necessities of life to go with your overly complex ways of thought. Why such a definition? It is not an official source, it is not even a generally accepted philosophy, yet I am saying such, why?

Because, a disaster is not the instance where the world is going to end, a disaster is when one loses (Metaphorically) it's most basic structure, it's role, it's actions, it's speech and most of all, it's mind. Disaster is not when the war in Lebanon killed thousands, disaster is not another crappy "Anti-terrorist" policy pushed by the American President, disaster is not the red indices you see on your Bank Account Statements.

Disaster is what is happening in the minds of people. Disaster is when people lose themselves to the general peers, disaster is when each person loses himself in order to fit in, disaster is when a whole goverment has to change policies to "safeguard homeland security". Why are those disasters? Because disasters, crises and catastrophes are man made, there's a reason why the many furies of mother nature are called "Natural Disasters" you know. ;P

Disaster is what you make out of it. The instant you lose yourself to an unfortunate circumstance, it's a disaster, no matter the scale of the event. The moment you pass a bill on initiating a war to respond to a Terrorist act, it's a disaster (Although the scale is much different.)

BUT! I'm not saying that we can avoid disasters... We can't. That's the ironic truth, disasters are completely man-made, yet we couldn't stop making them, simply because... We need them. Disaster is when a basic necessity is lacking, yet disasters itself are necessities. They help the growth of a human's intellectual bank, they cultivate the brightness of that puny little candle we call hope. Where there is darkness there is also light, we must have darkness in order to see light. This is a concept I hold strongly onto, the Yin-Yang theories, the opposites cannot exist without each other.


Now here's a post without any point at all, just because I felt like it, I wrote such an article without thinking much of it's grammar, it's articulation nor it's general aesthetics of pretty words. I guess I did alright, I'll give it 5/10. 'Cause even I myself didn't see much of a point in posting this. XD

Post took: 23 minutes.

Thank you for your time.

Yuki, grey from being trodden on and mixed with grit and mud, has melted, it prays for the day of salvation when the sun is strong enough to shine on it, to embrace Yuki with it's radiant golden rays. To free Yuki's bond from the grit and mud, to let it flow as a freer form, as water, to somewhere better, to somewhere nice, until once again, mother beckons for it to rise in the air and look again, at the lives and lights of the world on a higher perspective. Till then, Yuki will just have to stay on the ground, looking up, eternally contemplating on how it feels like to be so high up, only to do the opposite when it is in the sky.

Gawdamn

Not that I have any gripes about anything bad enough to warrant an eternal damnation in the flaming depths of hell. I just felt like it.

Back to our post... Oh yes, I'm updating! A week too late, but it's an update anyways. I just thought that there wouldn't be anyone here to care. Well, my thoughts were right. There's no one here.

School has been exceptionally normal as of the last two weeks. No teacher scolded me, none of the activities has backfired and I'm still alive. Thank god. However, I've been thinking alot about the past lately. Something a very nice frenger told me, "I think too fast and store too little." I'm currently learning to store my thoughts on paper now to create a huge backlog for this little space. Soon, I'll tell you my thoughts on Time, Human and Good. :P

Do not be keep silent if you are offenced by the next update. Comparing such magnificent items such as Time, People and Good to disgusting items is just what happened to occur in my mind at that moment of time, I do not feel that the negative view I present in my next update is or by any chance close to what really is true, but it is a alternate view nonetheless. If it offends you, pray tell why and what should I do about it, without your input, I will not be able to know what exactly do other people think about it, therefore I would not be able to admit, change and never repeat my mistake.

Well, after a few months of inactivity, I suddenly felt the urge to write something, from DotA Fanfics to my own (Fanfic) and this blog. Mostly due to my ignorance on the amount I'm actually writing both on paper and electronically. Therefore I'm going to make up for my lack of updates on this blog, at least for a month... I assume that by forcing myself to update this place every few days, I might eventually gain the habit of posting regularly (Hopefully). I might even get some people in here (Unlikely). Although, sadly, this place is devoid of people, it is still the space of which the tranquilities* of my life are written, only through literature (AHEM~!) I can immortalize my thoughts, even though I might soon forget what I thought so many years ago or blogging may go out of trend, my little corner of this 8932786453 sided polygon called internet might still be here (Baseless assumption.).

*: A footnote in a blog? That's really weird. I justify the word "tranquility" (Maybe "happy" might be more apt) by not making posts which record my dismay and/or disagreement on the fairness of life. Who ever claimed life was fair anyways.However tranquil and clear my thoughts are. However smart or however high is my Emotional Quotient, I heavily doubt that I can completely ignore the lopsided fairness of life, I can, however, live with it (Once again, hopefully.).

BMTribute has failed, I've decided to ditch the project as people nowadays are very much more resourceful than I have thought. The BMSes that I release are mostly already quite old and dispersed through the net via more accesible means than a solo user and a crappy file hosting service (A rant, Yousendit sucks.). So instead of posting in BMT, I've decided to post here instead, featuring not much of constructive intellectual property other than yours truly. I have also decided, in a flurry of thoughts when I was sitting there so amazingly quiet on my bed thinking about the temperature, that I should change the direction I'm trying to take in this blog, I've always wanted to document my short periods of ego enchancing (or the opposite) moments in my life. Perhaps not the best way to attract readers, but with this cutesy space so devoid of visitors, I doubt it can get any worse (They can't possibly give me negative visitor counts, can they?). Why bother myself with the concept "The more the merrier"?

In the last few weeks I did not play any online games, not O2, not RO, not any other combinations of capital alphanumeric letters. What I did play was Defence of the Ancients with my (Really noobish) Classmates, I owned them, for a few matches, before they gained the newfound knowledge that power is in numbers. I got owned backwards till my pelvis ached from the constant falls off my chair on the floor due to the fact that I'm actually being owned till the point of scariness (Did I suck or did they rock?). Now I'm planning my revenge, I shall improve my communication skills to achieve a higher level of teamwork to conquer their equivalent. I don't think it's actually possible though, I really suck at this particular aspect of team oriented games. Nonetheless, I hope Dota might actually improve my mentality as a player and a gamer, multiplayer games highly depend on teamwork, which is exactly what I lack.

Last week, on Saturday (Friday in the states), I returned to my dearest arcade and the one cabinet I started visiting arcades for: EZ2DJ. It is still the best beatgame I've played so far and it still has the highest integrity of the Holy Trinity principle* of beatgames (Visuals, Music and Artistic Values). To my dismay my skills did not improve. As my skills in O2 has reached it's plateau, so is the fate of my Ez2dj skills (I feared as much). I did not feel sad, nor did I feel disappointed, for it is just a game that I enjoy, not by conquering it, but because of the sheer joy of being able to listen to some quality music (I cannot resist the urge to move my body to the music though) and being able to appreciate the existence of this particular machine, to have contributed much to my memories and experience (In life), this machine had given me some dear friends (A and B are my dearest friends, you know who you are), a few onlookers (N, H, R, Y, just to name a few), a few ememies (I wish not to name any), and most important of all, it gave me a reason to dance when no one's looking, the appreciation of music I savour now, the attention to detail when I face a crisis. It's quite amazing what an arcade machine can bring to you. I thank music, all music, to have brought me up a perfectly fine young gentleman. I also truly and sincerely thank A for providing me with such music, and B for providing an alternative insight into my own life. I hope both of you receives my silent wishes of your wellbeing.

*:The Trinity is a pseudo-theory of mine, not proven and not universally true, but I hold on to my beliefs that The Trinity is what makes a beatgame playable and enjoyable.

Roadworks. This Monday, work was carried out by the DBKL (Something like a town municipal, I think) to put trees down on the road towards the main street at my place, mainly due to the tree's tendency to bend over and hump the ground on a weekly basis (When there's rain and winds, obviously). I've always appreciated the clean and fresh air that I breathe in and exhale every morning when I head to school, I've always taken it for granted, what I smell now is the smell of rotting green. (As the people that cut down the trees are imprudent enough to leave the foilage there till this point of time.) I do not understand the sadness I feel when I see the bare trunks of these trees, nor do I understand the fact that I feel compassion for trees. I've always thought that trees were a blessing, shielding me from the harsh sun above the equator, giving out oxygen. I never appreciated them. I never thanked them, nor did I ever touched any one of them. I did it once this morning in the deafening silence of darkness (6.30 AM, The sun does not rise early in Malaysia.) and I felt... There were no tingly sensations, no fresh air, no gentle coolness. Nothing that I felt just in the presence of a tree before was present. I do not know what should I feel from this, but I felt a sadness tugging at my thoughts to return to the trees. I did not stay for long in the presence of these deformed trunks. I went to school.

That is where I'm going to end today's update, the sudden change in emotion for this article was because of the lengthened time I spent on this particular post. I cannot bring myself to ignore these feelings of sadness that get sparked at the littlest of problems, but I can accept these emotions as proof that I am only human, the thought bring some peace and tranquility to my mind.

As I have mentioned earlier, I will continue to update this place, if I don't, feel free to bombard me with nudges on MSN or crazy spams in my e-mail inbox. :P

If anyone's actually reading, you've noticed there's no experimental fight Pt.II, because I've decided to ditch the scene after noticing that my vocabulary's strength is ridiculous and childlike, most of the time I'm struggling for adjectives, if they are used at all, thus, I will continue to read, in hopes that in some way it will reinforce my my weak wall of words so that it will not crumble under the pressure of an experienced reader. Hopefully, I will be able to come up with a decent piece of fiction soon to see whether my writings have improved. Growth in my english department has really been slow, I can only wish that my puny brain is able to further my grasp on the english language.

Sad for being there, sad for not being there. I feel sad because here I am, posting once again because of boredom, because I'm pissed, because I'm high. I'm sad because I haven't visited this place for close to half a year. I wish I could dedicate myself to this blog soon, and I wish people to be dedicated to my blog too, but until now, the hits been from no one but myself. Sad.

In another part of town. I'm currently entering a new low in destroying my intelligence, I'm rarely visiting school, I go truant. I'm fucking myself up pretty badly lately, I just hope that I don't live the rest of my life this way, or I'll end my own pitiful life before the instinct to live takes over.